Bavrok the Caveman is one of the most powerful beings in all of Nargaria. He heeds no woman, and the only man whose call he is obligated to answer is himself.
|Bavrok the Caveman|
Caveman, peacekeeper, adventurer, warrior
Increasing in strength
Bavrok's father was a mammoth, and his mother a human she-wench. While it was unknown what the mammoth's seed would become, many were skeptical of Bavrok while he was in the womb. He was born three months early, clawing his way out of his mother with his bare hands.
His unnatural birth caused much speculation, but he quickly proved himself to be a warrior. At the age of three he was already the size of a grown man, and he grew only six inches throughout the rest of his life. When he was four years old he tracked down his father, and slew him with his only his right hand. He then used his thumbnail to skin the mammoth, fashioning the hide into a cloak and loincloth.
Bavrok returned to his village to find it in ruins and his mother dead. Upon investigation, he discovered his tribe had been bitchslapped to death. Bavrok vowed to find this "bitchslapper" and bring him to justice.
|“||Me madre slapped like bitch. Bavrok mad. Bavrok find bitchslapper and slap him like bitch!||”|
–Bavrok upon finding his mother's corpse
Bavrok spent the next year following the bitchslapper's trail. The beast left much evidence behind it, most noticibly bitchslapped peasants. Finally he found the beast and bitchslapped it into oblivion.
Shortly after this, Bavrok found an angelic warrior engaged in brutal combat with a giant t-rex. The beast's claw alone was taller than the caveman. The winged swordsman flew toward the dinosaurs neck, then, shortly before coming in striking range, swung his blade. A bright flash, then the tyrannosaurus's skull fell to the ground. The Immortal (for it was he) slowly fell to the ground, and looked to Bavrok. Bavrok fell to his knee, and quickly swore his fealty to him. Pleased, the Immortal rested the flat of his blade on the caveman's shoulder. It grew warm, then bitterly cold. Then Bavrok felt as if lightning had just struck him, but he dared not show weakness before such a powerful being. Then the Immortal spoke
|“||Rise, caveman. I know of your deeds and of your honor. For respecting me, I have bestowed on you total immunity to magick, sorcery, and any other foul mysticism.||”|
Bavrok was made an honorary member of the Court of Asskicking, and was further bestowed with even greater strength along with near-invulnerability. This made him stronger than most, but still nowhere near as powerful as he would become.
Strength Through WoundingEdit
Bavrok stumbled upon the spickledums through mere coincidence. They just happened to be on the way to where he was headed. That soon changed. After witnessing their annoying habits for a few long seconds, he tore a limb off of a nearby oak and proceeded to smash the spickledums until they were no more. This took him a full year, and he not once stopped to rest.
Only months later, Bavrok found a race of werejackals. He noticed as they scavenged his kills, thinking them to be cowards. After killing a mastodon, he waited within the empty stomach of the giant corpse until the werejackals believed he was gone. They approached the mastodon hungrily, and began to tear at its skin. Bavrok jumped out with a huge rib in hand, and slew them all.
The Immortal, having nothing better to do, watched Bavrok's genocide with great amusement. He proceeded to lure a frost ogre to the caveman's location, so as to better assess Bavrok's skill. When Bavrok saw the ogre, he immediately charged toward it, even though he carried no stick. The frost ogre lifted its axe and roared, and Bavrok smiled. The caveman dodged the initial swing of the axe, and launched himself toward the giant's ugly face, pulling back his fist. The frost ogre's eyes widened with fear as he tried to step back, but it was too late. Bavrok's punch made contact for a mere billionth of a second, then the ogre's head exploded. Bavrok laughed once, then picked up the axe, which was easily twice as tall as him.
|“||HA! Bavrok no like blade, but he make exception for big axe.||”|
The Immortal, who had been gliding over the scene watching with keen interest, descended gracefully. Once again he was impressed by Bavrok's ferocity. In order to commend the caveman, the angelic commander supreme gave him the ability to store energy in weapons, so as to release it violently in battle. Bavrok quickly learned to take advantage of this ability frequently, and spent his spare time filling things with the energy of other creatures.
And so Bavrok became one of the most powerful things known to the universe, but he would gain one final skill before his ascension was completed. Bavrok would gain the ability to see through lies, trickery, and illusion, thus rendering him unstoppable. How he gained this is not important, just know that it was messy.
Once Bavrok was virtually unstoppable, The Immortal took him on an adventure to kill most of the dragons in the land. Bavrok learned that drinking their blood granted him extra strength and stamina, and proceeded to kill 20,000 dragons for this purpose. This is why the once proud and noble race of dragons is nearly extinct.
In Blackest DepthsEdit
After he discovered the Great Ocean, Bavrok built himself a beach hut. He lived there in relative peace for 5 long, fruitful seconds before moving on to his next great adventure. Able to hold his breath for thousands of years, Bavrok began his descent to the sea floor, using kelp beds to pull himself downward. Once he reached the bottom he strapped boulders to his legs, allowing him to move about with ease. The caveman walked for days before finding a seemingly bottomless chasm. Reasoning that he is a man and therefore invincible, he threw himself into the abyss.
And he fell.
And he fell..
And he fell...
And landed on something slimey and squishy.
Bavrok punched the squishy surface on which he stood, attempting to determine what it was. He struck twice more when suddenly the surface began to rise.
And he rose.
And he rose..
And he rose...
And he stopped, high above the ocean now.
Casting off his boulders, Bavrok looked down to see what he was standing upon. He could not believe his eyes. A mighty sea creature, one he had long thought to be mere myth, was starting back at him. The surface he had been standing upon was the creature's nose.
Not one to cower before mere giant fishmonsters of legend, Bavrok raised his axe and cleaved an opening in the face of the beast. He thrust himself inside, knowing how easily he was about to be swept off. Bavrok forced his way into a vein, swimming his way into the creature's heart. Unfortunately, he failed to anticipate the ferocity of a 2000 pound muscle pumping thousands upon thousands of gallons of blood every second. Bavrok felt as if he was a brain inside a skull he was bashing. Shutting his eyes and opening his mouth, he chomped a small opening in the heart. The beast writhed in agony. Bavrok shoved his fist through the gap, forcing his way out. Once he had done so, he began pummeling the heart into a condensed object the size of a tennis ball. He then lowered himself to the stomach, cutting it open and releasing the putrid acid.
Bavrok had won again.
The Fox and the SlugEdit
After, Bavrok had, arrived, at the shore, he knew, by the abundance of, punctuation, that, the Fox was, near. Punching, into the, earth, with the might, of angels, and the, fury, of demons, he forced, the Fox, out of his hole. The Fox, snarled, and, the, punctuation, became, disorienting. Bavrok, clapped, with the force of thunder, causing the Fox to lose his balance momentarily. This momentary moment proved to be enough for Bavrok to drive his thumb through the Fox's eye. This would have, usually been, enough to kill, any form, of life, but the, Fox's, accomplice, had come to, his aid. The Slug, armed with, the, innate ability, to be, unwanted, allowed the Fox, to assert, his, punctuation, in a, last ditch effort, to defeat, Bavrok. Bavrok roared with primal rage, shattering the Fox and vaporizing the Slug.
Bavrok is very proud, although not very intelligent. He is honarable and usually just. If his cause is not just, he probably has another acceptable reason. If not, you were probably asking for it anyway.
Abilities and TraitsEdit
- Immune to magick, sorcery, and any other sort of mysticism
- Can see through any form of deception, making him very effective against demonkin
- Capable of lifting a mountain
- Can break dirt
- Has a way with words
- Can enter a state of bloodlust and righteous fury
- Big Stick: Bavrok always wields the biggest stick he can find and uses it until it breaks.
- Frossetkjønnslemlestelse: Huge f@#$ing axe that Bavrok took from the corpse of a frost ogre.
Friends and AlliesEdit
|“||Big stick hit hard HAHAHA||”|
|“||You? Bitchslap Bavrok? HA! Bavrok bitchslap you!||”|
–Bavrok before bitchslapping the Bitchslapper
- No really, he can break dirt. Think about that for a minute.
- He may quite possibly be the mammothborn.